The Middle Way: Healing Trauma Without Getting Stuck in the Past
When we experience trauma, grief, or hardship, there is often a natural pull in two directions. On one hand, we may want to avoid the pain altogether, pushing it down and moving on without ever truly processing it. On the other hand, we may find ourselves replaying the past over and over, staying locked in the story of what happened to us without finding freedom beyond it.
The Buddhist tradition offers wisdom here through the teaching of the Middle Way. This path invites us to hold our suffering with compassion while also remembering that our lives are unfolding in this present moment. It asks us to balance both processing and releasing.
As Pema Chödrön writes in The Wisdom of No Escape:
“The middle way encourages us not to put too much pressure on ourselves, but at the same time not to relax too much. It’s a way of finding balance between discipline and letting go.”
This balance is often described as “not too tight, not too loose.”
Not Too Tight, Not Too Loose: A Felt Sense in the Body
We can experience this teaching not only as an idea, but as a felt sense in our bodies.
Too tight may feel like constriction in the chest, clenched muscles, holding the breath, or ruminating thoughts that circle endlessly.
Too loose may feel like collapse, lethargy, dissociation, or the sense of being unmoored and unable to act.
The middle way feels different. In the body, it can be experienced as a sense of uprightness without rigidity. Breath moves with ease. There’s a groundedness in the belly and feet, and a soft openness across the chest and shoulders. It’s a state where we can be present with our emotions without being swallowed by them.
The Benefits of Leaning into the Middle Way
Learning to walk this middle path brings profound benefits:
Greater resilience: We can acknowledge what happened to us without being defined by it.
Emotional freedom: We release the grip of old stories and make room for new possibilities.
More vitality: Energy once consumed by rumination becomes available for creativity, relationships, and joy.
Peace in the present moment: Instead of living in the past or fearing the future, we can rest more fully in now.
How I Work with Clients on the Middle Path
In my psychotherapy practice, I see the middle way as both a guide and a practice. Together, we create space to process grief, trauma, and painful life experiences. This might mean telling the story, feeling the emotions in the body, or working with breath and mindfulness to stay present to what arises.
At the same time, I help clients not to stay stuck in the heaviness of the past. We explore ways to gently let go, to reorient toward what is life-giving, and to cultivate moments of lightness, presence, and even joy. Healing is not about erasing what happened, but about integrating it into a fuller, freer sense of self.
In this way, therapy becomes a practice of the middle path: honoring both the weight of our history and the possibility of living beyond it.
Closing
The middle way doesn’t mean perfection. It means a gentle balancing, moment to moment, between holding and releasing. When we walk this path, we find we can carry our past with compassion while also feeling the freshness of life unfolding right now.
For those interested in learning more about the Buddhist approach to balance and healing, resources such as The Mind & Life Institute, Tricycle: The Buddhist Review, and Pema Chödrön’s writings are good places to start.
